You know how we do that thing where we pick something to identify ourselves?
I'm a student.
I'm a mom.
I'm a doctor.
I'm an artist.
What am I these days? I'm divorced. And not only am I divorced, I'm divorced and sad about it. When I introduce myself I have to cavity search my brain to see what other significant facts I can offer about myself. When people ask me in my singles ward where I moved from I have to invent a way to explain why I was attending the family ward close by. When people ask why I'm in Portland or what I do here I have to find some way to not say, "My former husband told me if I didn't move here to be closer to his family, he'd come without me. I actually never wanted to leave my perfect apartment three block from the ocean in Long Beach, California." There's currently a lot of bitter in here, which I feel is fair. I mean, let's be honest, the last two years were painful in a way I found previously unfathomable. But today I am tired of being bitter and sad. If I have to be "the divorced lady" for a while, even in my own brain, I can at least be a happy divorced lady.
So, without further ado, the top ten reasons I'm happy I'm divorced.
10. There is no stinky man breath in my bedroom, or beard hair trimmings in my sink.
9. There are no guns and nothing camouflaged in my apartment, and there never will be.
8. I can keep my hair as short as I like and rock as many mustard colored cardigans as I please without complaint.
7. I know exactly what I will never tolerate in a relationship again and how important my wants and needs are.
6. I can sleep in and work part time, completely guilt free.
5. I get a do-over at one of life's most important relationships, but I get to keep all the wisdom I gained along the way. It's kind of like being sent back to high school, knowing what you learned in college.
4. There is no one to steal the covers while I sleep, or complain about how much I spent on them.
3. I don't have to be a mom yet, and I never have to share custody with The Mr.
2. I get new first kisses.
1. I get to go back to school this fall . . . in Hawaii. I just got the letter of acceptance last week. This never, ever, ever would have happened if I were not divorced : )
So, yes, it's sad. Yes, my heart is broken. Yes, I had a moment yesterday afternoon where I sobbed like a baby for 30 minutes, but also, it's pretty freaking amazing. And it's good to feel and embrace that too. I firmly believe God doesn't want us to spend the rest of our lives rehashing or punishing ourselves for what happened, or grieving the loss forever. Life does go on, and life is a beautiful thing, especially when you're the one at the wheel again.
What's your number one reason you're happy to be divorced?
Oh, and PS - My good friend recently sent me a mixed tape for my birthday and this was on it. It's where the title of this blog came from. You have to see it. It's too good not to, and totally relevant to this post.
No Man's Mamma, Carolina Chocolate Drops