Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Top 10 reasons I'm happy I'm divorced

You know how we do that thing where we pick something to identify ourselves?

I'm a student.
I'm a mom.
I'm a doctor.
I'm an artist.

What am I these days? I'm divorced. And not only am I divorced, I'm divorced and sad about it. When I introduce myself I have to cavity search my brain to see what other significant facts I can offer about myself. When people ask me in my singles ward where I moved from I have to invent a way to explain why I was attending the family ward close by. When people ask why I'm in Portland or what I do here I have to find some way to not say, "My former husband told me if I didn't move here to be closer to his family, he'd come without me. I actually never wanted to leave my perfect apartment three block from the ocean in Long Beach, California." There's currently a lot of bitter in here, which I feel is fair. I mean, let's be honest, the last two years were painful in a way I found previously unfathomable. But today I am tired of being bitter and sad. If I have to be "the divorced lady" for a while, even in my own brain, I can at least be a happy divorced lady.

So, without further ado, the top ten reasons I'm happy I'm divorced.

10. There is no stinky man breath in my bedroom, or beard hair trimmings in my sink.

9. There are no guns and nothing camouflaged in my apartment, and there never will be.

8.  I can keep my hair as short as I like and rock as many mustard colored cardigans as I please without complaint.

7. I know exactly what I will never tolerate in a relationship again and how important my wants and needs are.

6. I can sleep in and work part time, completely guilt free.

5. I get a do-over at one of life's most important relationships, but I get to keep all the wisdom I gained along the way. It's kind of like being sent back to high school, knowing what you learned in college.

4. There is no one to steal the covers while I sleep, or complain about how much I spent on them.

3. I don't have to be a mom yet, and I never have to share custody with The Mr.

2. I get new first kisses.

1. I get to go back to school this fall . . . in Hawaii. I just got the letter of acceptance last week. This never, ever, ever would have happened if I were not divorced : )

So, yes, it's sad. Yes, my heart is broken. Yes, I had a moment yesterday afternoon where I sobbed like a baby for 30 minutes, but also, it's pretty freaking amazing. And it's good to feel and embrace that too. I firmly believe God doesn't want us to spend the rest of our lives rehashing or punishing ourselves for what happened, or grieving the loss forever. Life does go on, and life is a beautiful thing, especially when you're the one at the wheel again.

What's your number one reason you're happy to be divorced?

Oh, and PS - My good friend recently sent me a mixed tape for my birthday and this was on it. It's where the title of this blog came from. You have to see it. It's too good not to, and totally relevant to this post.

No Man's Mamma, Carolina Chocolate Drops


  1. Number one reason: My future is no longer a bleak, hopeless black hole.

  2. I get to keep on evolving as a person, free from the influence of anyone else. Other people are great, but I don't want anyone else but me mixed up in my identity. Get out of my identity strange man! I think that once I feel steadier as a single human I wont be so afraid of losing myself in another person. That's my number one trick in life- having a close, intimate relationship with a man without losing myself. I have very little idea of what that will entail outside of taking care of myself and dating men who take good, kind care of themselves (not selfish care, good care :)). But I'm better off than I was last year, and last year was better than the one before.

  3. AH! I'm mentioned in your blog! Super honored right now. Also I LOVE this blog!

    1. Aw, shucks Penny. Thanks! And that song really has become my theme song. I hope people check the link. It's so good!

  4. A taste of divorce can only make a person either of two things: bitter or better. The hope is to be better in seeing life. I can only be glad that you're free from the manly things and restrictions. Live and be happy as you notwithstanding the pressure of conformity. -->Jermaine

    1. Excellent advice, Jermaine. Thanks for sharing.

  5. I don't have to be ashamed anymore for the qualities I've always liked the best about myself: my love for people, my kind heart, my willingness to go to great lengths to help someone out. My husband routinely made me feel bad or ridiculous or weak over these characteristics, which I believe are my greatest strengths.
    Also, I wasn't able to have kids (thank goodness now, right?) and I have a list about the benefits of infertility, like a full-nights sleep every night. If you don't laugh about it, you'll cry!