Wednesday, March 13, 2013

A question for you

So, I just popped in to see if my page views for this new blog I'm testing out had increased from the initial 30ish of the first day I posted.

There are currently 639 page views for this site, but now you're here, so that's 640.

Well, hello lovely people. It's nice to see you here. Apparently I am not the only person with an interest in the well being of the devout yet divorced. That's comforting, and exciting, so thanks for logging on.

I also noticed that we have two brave souls who have started following and two other brave souls who have posted comments. If this is going to be maximally beneficial we're going to need to shift this into a conversation. Don't get me wrong, I have got plenty to say. It's just that there's all this wisdom and experience chillin out there in the hundreds of you who have logged on so far. Single, married, divorced, remarried, widowed, never thought about it, all of you. This one was on my mind today. This one is for you.

Is there a place in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for the unmarried? This includes the -not yet married-, the -no longer married-, and the -never want to be married-. (That last one is particularly thought provoking for me.)

Go ahead. Shout it out. I want to hear it. What say you? Leave your comments below.

And really, thanks for checking this out.


  1. I thank you for your blog and for talking about this out loud. I have been divorced for almost two years and it's refreshing to see someone else in the LDS community speaking out.

    1. You are most certainly welcome. And thank you for popping in to check it out, and for being brave enough to comment : ) Happy to have you on board! Feel free to let me know if there is any topic in particular you'd like discussed.

      Keep healing!

  2. Thank you so much for your blog Lindsay! :) I love reading about your personal perspective on things. :)

  3. Is there a place in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for the unmarried?

    There is a place in the Church for everybody. Don't the missionaries knock on all doors? Don't we invite ALL men to come unto Christ? There is nothing in Church doctrine that says that not all men are to be apart of this beautiful church. However, you know as much as I do that when it comes to the social aspect of the church this is not the case. When the missionaries bring their eager and excited investigator to sacrament meeting, and it turns out that this investigator is a recovering addict living in a shelter that the arms of fellowship are not going to be opened nearly as wide as to the affluent family. Mormon's have a distinct culture. It is an inseparable part of the Church yet, ironically, not an official part of the Church at all. I for one don't care much for it, and I'm sure you don't either.

    People always said that you must be both spiritually and socially converted in the church. I didn't believe them, but that was because I fit in. But now I don't. And the looks come. And the relief society lessons make me cringe and wonder why I even come to church. But that testimony inside me keeps me coming back. Knowing that God knows what I know, and we both know that the Church is true. And we both know that I would be much less happy if I did just stay home. It is much easier for me to see how easy it is for one to be offended at Church. By the comments being said, or the way a lesson is taught, or the friendships being offered. It is no wonder to me now that people go astray and become less active.

    So is there a place for the unmarried in the Church. YES! Is being unmarried (or anything un-"mormon" for that matter) going to be hard, different, and ostracizing? Absolutely. And it will be unless folks with kind hearts and open arms look past these differences. There must continue to be people like you in the Church to make it worth it. Reading what I wrote makes me regret all those times (and they are frequent) that I have judged others. I hope to do less judging and more loving in the future.

    1. "There must continue to be people like you in the Church to make it worth it," is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Thank you for your thoughts! I'm sorry to hear about the hard time you're going through, but glad we can be supportive of each other, even if it is over the internet. : )

  4. I remember as a missionary in rural Oklahoma and Missouri, being so excited when we had any investigators coming to church at all. It was a rare occurrence, so we were so pumped to see anyone new walking into the chapel--the kid living in a state-run youth home, or the single mother with two kids living in a women's shelter. It didn't matter their background, because they needed the gospel, and we were out there testifying to anyone who would hear us.

    Nothing took the wind out of my badge-wearing sails like disparaging remarks from ward or branch members. In one ward council meeting, someone chafed at the inconvenience of providing transportation to a prospective member who had to use wheelchair, and asked why we couldn't baptize the college kid we were teaching instead (as if we weren't already aiming for that). In another area, a member of the branch presidency made a comment indicating that a single mother investigating the church was of less worth because baptizing that mother and her children wouldn't add to the priesthood in the branch. Hearing comments like that were discouraging, because in my mind they COMPLETELY missed the point! Of COURSE it's easier to welcome people who aren't in constant need of service or support. Of COURSE it's easier to love people when we feel they deserve it. But that is SO not what Christ is about, and only loving the people we like won't help us become like Him.

  5. Late commenter here, I'm new to your blog. My answer to your question right now is "I hope so." My divorce was just finalized yesterday. I found your blog while looking sources of advice about how to handle, as you said, "un-Mormon". I feel lost and confused after losing my wife and best friend. My story (and your expectations about your audience) differs from yours in that I was the main source of the problems in my marriage. Thank you for being there and having the courage and willingness to write about all of this.